Fat Brain

I have learned you can not lose weight where you want.  Your body burns it from where your body decides too. If I have had my way my arms would be about 6 inches smaller!   We are all like that, we have that one place we would change if we could: Arms, Hips, Butt, muffin top, you name the body part. 

I realized this week that I really need to lose weight in the one place nobody says.  I have fat in my brain.  Yes, you read that right I have Fat brain.  I know you are wondering what the hell I am talking about. 

No matter how confident I feel, there is still fat in my brain that makes me think I am still this person:

Here is an example of Fat brain or Fat girl syndrome, during a workout I was grouped with 3 others. They are great bunch of gals, work hard, fit and super nice.  I stood there thinking “great, I am the biggest one in the group and they are going to need to wait for me to finish every exercise”.  That lack of confidence messed me up for the first round of the workout.  

What was my problem? I know I can do that workout.  And they didn’t care if I was last, everyone was just focused on their workout and putting forth 110%.  That thinking was going to hold me back, if I got frustrated I would not focus on working.  I would have bad form, risk an injury and not get everything out of the workout.  I was just hurting myself thinking that.

Nobody else was worried about me being the biggest girl in the group, I don’t even think it crossed their mind.  But after playing that part in the world (the big girl) for almost 30 years its hard to reshape your mind.  Seriously a burpee ladder is easier then mind reshaping.

We as women are programed to be so complicated.  The media makes us think we need to be a size Negative 2.  I know that I will not and do not want to look like Pam Anderson.  I would however like to see some additional changes in my body ( there is that fat brain again),  See I just can not accept what I have already achieved.  I have a pair of jeans that several people have complemented me on.  No matter what, every time I wear them I am worried what people will say.  My fat brain thinks there is someone behind my back saying “who does she think she is wearing those jeans?”  But I am wearing them today to the game.

I don’t know how to fix fat brain other then to start being nicer to our fellow females.  We need to stop being bitchy and catty – yes I know I am one to talk.  I have trashed women before (hell just last week).  Besides there is one thing all women have in common – its that we are so superior to men!

We shouldn’t let brain fat get in our way. Anyone that is making an effort to achieve something, like weight loss, should be proud.  They are doing something, they are taking action. 

Review and Outlining the Road to Continued Success

Its that time of the year where we reflect on the past year and prepare for the next.  I have to say that 2011 was good to me.  Other than maybe eating too many Christmas cookies I have no regrets!

• To start with I lost over 33 pounds (it would have been more but Christmas cookies are my weakness).  I have lost over 15% of fat in 2011 alone, and over 32% since I started.
• I am down over 2 sizes this year, depending on the brand 3 sizes

December 2010	December 2011

• I participated in running events (something I had never done before).  On News years Day 2011 I ran 2 miles and it took me 30 minutes, by the boilermaker 5K I ran it in 30:17!  In August I did my first 10K in 68minutes but improved on that time by the October run in Oneonta finishing in 62 minutes.

• I improved my confidence in myself, enough to go on a real vacation that requires wearing lot less then jeans and sweatshirts.  Three Night cruise in the Bahamas, bathing suit on the beach, sleeveless dress – prior years this would have been my worse nightmare

• I did big girl push ups just last week.  This is huge.  My push ups were so sad when I started. Honestly I don’t think you could even call them push ups.  Here my MVBW profile. 

http://www.wktv.com/features/winner/Biggest-Winner-Profile-Kristen-Szarek-99864744.html

It really shows the difference in not only my appearance but my abilities.  I am now swinging the big green KB, and going overhead with way heavier then what is in that video.

2012
Someone I went to college with told that “Dreams are for sleeping” and 10 years later that has stuck with me.  I am not dreaming about 2012, I am outlining what I plan to achieve. 

• Hit the 100 pounds lost mark
• Hit my target weigh that I have been aiming for
• Be a size 6 (a lot different then a size 22)
• Run the boilermaker 15K and maybe a half marathon
• Master Big girl pushups!
• Work my ass off
• Overcome my fear of heights at Adirondack Extreme
• Climb Mt. Marcy
• Be in control of food (in other words not let Christmas cookies have more power then me)
• Start 2013 off without talking about losing weight. 

So are you ready for 2012?  I hope you all feel that 2011 was a great year, and that 2012 will be better. But just because the year becomes 2012 doesn’t mean your items to achieve will happen.  You have to go out there and work for them, so take advantages of the sales and buy some new sneakers.  Its lacing up to be a great year.  The year of achievement!

Monthly Measurement–The Secret to Success

First before we start answer these questions:

• If you gained 1.6 pounds from 4 weeks ago what would you say about the last 4 weeks?
• How would it make you feel?

Today at next level was measurement day.  So there I stood with Lu-Lu both of nervous as hell.  It took me back to the MVBW days of weigh in night!

Someone walked up and was shocked at how nervous we were.  Yep, we are nervous just like everyone else.  Here is the deal after we walked away from the scale and the measuring tape someone said “so how much are you down now?”  People assume we are going to lose, lose, lose.  We don’t always lose weight, in fact I gained 1.6 pounds.

I am not an expert of losing weight, I am an expert at sticking with it.  I am battling thru the bumps in the road because in the end I will reach my destination.

Like everyone I have my vices….Chocolate (no matter what time of the month kills me), today I ate a cider donut before I even realized I did it.

Like everyone else I have my bad weeks.   I don’t throw in the towel, I take a deep breath, email my support team and get back on the wagon right then and there. I don’t wait a day or two.  I salvage what I can.

Like everyone else I have expectations, but I also have special glasses that let me see reality.  Its not realistic for me to expect amazing numbers when I was not really a good girl this month.  I know that, I accept that and so when Bri was done with my measurements I moved onto my workout.

So how do I feel about my gain, it sucks but not the end of the world.  I also know I have done a lot in these 4 weeks, my 10K run, my KB weight, My burpees.  I have certainly improved in those areas – areas that a scale can not measure.   I also lost 2.75 inches mostly from my waist and thankfully .25 from my fat ass arms (yes I hate them I always have, always will – unless I win the lotto and can get plastic surgery). 

Sorry about that arm vent, the fact is I can not say the last 4 weeks were a failure because I saw changes that I really liked.  I am going to continue to push forward.  Because the secret  to success has always been moving forward and staying with it!

Mind over Matter

How do you describe success?  Do you go by the scale, by your clothing fit, by your mood, by your ability?

The fact was 2 weeks ago I realized I was struggling. I was working out, and very happy with my efforts and abilities.  I was not so good with my food. I was eating snacks, chocolate, and just not being as good as I wanted.  So I decided to challenge myself, here is what I wrote:

“its always possible just takes motivation, determination and discipline. If all else fails challenge yourself. I have been feeling out of it for about 2 weeks. not focused like i wanted, not doing what i should but getting by. Today i signed up for the most challenging 10K in CNY. Its 13 days away and its been 21 days since i last ran. I have no choice but to eat right, i have no choice but to be Next level disciplined”

It made sense, I hate to fail.  Running in public would motivate me to get on it and get focused.  The only problem was I knew I could do it.  I knew I could run 10K I had done it before.  And that hill was not going to be as bad as the 1-20 burpee ladder we did a few weeks ago.  So late last week I set my mind to bettering my 68 minute time. 

Yesterday was the run.  It was so hilly.  My legs were so tight by mile 3, before the steep part of the hill to SUNY Oneonta.  Finally I made it to the top, having to walking only twice on that freaking hill.  I ran the rest of the way to the finish.  I wanted to stop many times but I wanted to beat my time.  Finally the finish line, those last 30 seconds I sprinted my ass off and came in at 62minutes!!  I was happy, and very tired!

The facts are:

• I weigh the same as I did 8 weeks ago.
• I wear the same size jeans as 8 weeks ago but they feel better
• I am swinging a heavier KB
• I have more energy
• I rocked my 10k time

Does the scale matter? only if your mind lets it.  Last  year I set my mind to a goal and I did it.  That goal is not to lose weight, but to get healthy.  I have been getting healthier each day.  There are side effects to this: I have lost weight and I have gotten fit.

So has your mind set itself to a goal that matters?

317 Mac N Cheese~

Over the last 15 months my food has changed a lot.  And yes I made the decision to “give up” certain foods.   The reality of the phrase “give up” is that I just found alternatives or saved the forbidden food for spec events/times/achievements.  It has been 15 months since I have had true pizza shop chicken wing pizza – that use to be a staple of my diet, A must have!  Now, if I wanted it I take grilled chicken on a whole wheat pizza shell, hot sauce and some crumbled blue cheese. It satisfies the craving for the most part, of course its not a perfect match to the real thing.  I feel that I have not earn real pizza shop buffalo wing pizza ( I know, I know, I have lost 90 pounds but I just don’t feel it’s the time – its my personal decision and motivation).

The fact is…I gained weight from the moment I graduated high school to 15 months ago.  If you are trying to do the math that is 13 years.  During those 13 years I ate my fair share of shit.  If I had been more disciplined and ate in moderation I would not be fighting to lose 100+ pounds.  Its almost as if I ate a lifetime of shit in 13 years.  I met my quota so now I have to be good, I have to be disciplined.

What helps me with the decisions to “give up” foods are the food swaps I have made.

• Turkey burgers instead of regular
• Turkey bacon instead pig fat bacon
• Soy milk in my coffee instead of cream
• Frozen Greek yogurt instead of ice cream

I have been making these swaps with traditional dinners.  Tonight was Mac N Cheese:

• One Cauliflower head cut into bite size pieces
• 8oz of whole wheat pasta
• 1/2 of a large shallot
• 1 tablespoon of EVOO
• 2 tablespoons of cornstarch or flour
• salt, pepper, thyme to taste
• 1 Can of chicken broth
• 1/4 cup of milk
• 4 oz of Gouda Cheese shredded
• 1/4 cup of Whole wheat breadcrumbs
• 1/2 cup of Parmesan cheese

1) Add cauliflower to boiling large pan of water along with the pasta, boil until the pasta is cooked and cauliflower is tender.  Drain and rinse. Dump into your baking dish.

2) While the cauliflower and pasta are cooking…in a medium sauce pan added EVOO and shallots over medium heat.  Cook shallots till they are translucent. 

3) Stir in cornstarch or flour (if the pan has no liquid in the bottom you may need to had a bit more of the EVOO).  Stir the flour into the shallots and liquids to cook the raw taste off the flour. 

4) Whisk in the milk and chicken broth.  Stir regularly till the sauce begins to bubble and thicken.  Add the gouda cheese and remove from heat.

5) In baking dish, mix together the pasta/cauliflower, sauce and half the parmesan cheese.  Top with remaining parmesan cheese and breadcrumbs.

6) Bake for 20 minutes at 350 – enjoy!

This made 6 servings that came to the following for nutritional value:

Cal: 317; Carb: 40; Fat: 10; Protein: 19

My plans for this dish continue..if I am going to make it again as the main dish I am adding chicken or shrimp – some type of protein. I am also thinking of cutting the can of chicken broth in half and replacing it with greek yogurt (plain) to increase the richness flavor of the sauce.  If you were to cut this entire recipe in half, this would be an amazing side dish for like 150 calories.  Plus you could add so many more veggies to this. Roasted red peppers or tomatoes would go so well with the Gouda Cheese.

David and the kids all ate it.  The kids didn’t complain and David said he liked it! SCORE!!!

Food Recap

 

For most people its nutrition that puts road blocks in their way of success.  They can motivate themselves to get up and get moving, get to the gym (Next Level!), and get in that workout (rock out burpees).  All that hard work is undone by bad food choices, temptations, and more.

“No fitness plan can out run bad nutrition”

When people start talking to me about the last 15months I always get asked “what do you eat?”  So here are some examples for everyone:

Breakfast (typically eat around 6am):

• Egg white omelet or fresh egg omelet with veggies and Mozz cheese stick
• Oatmeal with Cinnamon and Fresh fruit
• Whole Wheat Waffles (I like Van’s brands not to much crap in them and good taste) along with fresh fruit and 2 slices of turkey bacon
• Egg sandwich with Arnolds flat bread and turkey bacon or sausage and Mozz cheese stick.
• Protein drink/smoothie and almonds

Snack (typically about 10am):

• Almonds – 100 calorie pack
• Greek yogurt
• Carrots and cheese stick
• Pretzels

Lunch (around Noon):

• Salad with veggies, grilled chicken – maybe hardboiled egg, and homemade dressing
• Light Tuna with 1tbsp of mayo served on sliced cucumbers with cottage cheese
• Grilled chicken 3oz, cottage cheese and piece of fruit – in season
• Grilled chicken wrap – with mustard, roasted red pepper, and spinach.  with cottage cheese or Greek yogurt.
• Grilled portabella sandwich

Snack (around 2-3pm)

• Protein drink or protein smoothie with cut zucchini or cukes
• Greek yogurt
• Cheese stick, turkey Pepperoni (my vice shh don’t tell steve)
• Pretzels
• Almonds

Dinner (some times I eat at 5pm before bootcamp other nights I eat at 730 after bootcamp)

• Grilled chicken with brown rice
• Whole wheat pasta, with cooked ground turkey, diced tomatoes, and broccoli
• Grilled haddock with Summer squash – sprinkled with dill and grilled in a foil pocket
• Stuffed Zucchini with ground turkey and brown rice
• Pork Tenderloin with an apple salad and Zucchini fries
• Grilled steak or chicken with grilled Red potatoes
• Steak or chicken kabobs

Snack (8-9pm)

• Almonds
• Cheese stick
• Frozen Greek yogurt
• Sliced banana with Teddies Peanut butter
• Blueberries and soy milk

Helpful Hints:

• I like using string cheese because it’s a premeasured amount.  I don’t have to waist time measuring my cheese or risk taking to much!  its fast and easy – one WW cheese stick is 50 calories
• When I get home from shopping I put 2-3 slices of turkey bacon in individual ziploc freezer bags and pull them out as needed.  if I had to get out an entire pound of bacon and cook it – I would eat it. ALL
• I have 100 calorie packs of almonds stashed everywhere so that if I get hungry I can eat
• I freeze Hershey kiss and take one out at a time as I need it.

I plan my meals out for the week.  It allows me to unfreeze meats, and not stand in front of the fridge each night wasting time saying “what are we going to eat?”  If I know what I am going to eat I know if I have room for more food during the day. 

Which wagon are you on?

Some times when we camp at private campgrounds they have hayrides!  You check in and they give you the schedule of events and you see that the hayrides are at 430.  You think oh that’s easy to remember.  The next thing you know you hear a tractor and music and its 4:35.  There goes the first wagon ride.  You grab the kids and go searching for that darn wagon.

I have been looking for the wagon this past week.   Eating badly – only 2 workouts and a hike. 
Yesterday I got back on the wagon – detoxed myself of PB (yes it’s in the garbage…) and carbs.  I ate pretty well –within my calories, but I was bad on water – I really didn’t drink any L (bad me).  I also got in 3 walks and a 4 mile run.

I have been in a funk this last week.  I was bored and annoyed that I had to lose weight. I was bored of trying, it has been 15 months of constantly watching what I eat, what I do, and then measure my success (to some degree) based on a medal object on my basement floor.  I was annoyed that I had allowed myself to go so far down the unhealthy path.  Had I not gained anymore weight after college I would be at my target weight right now.  But nope I have to keep going. Welcome to my funk mindset.

I really had to sit back and think about it.  Which statement did I want to be?

·         I work out because I have been eating so badly

·         I eat healthy because I work out.

I would love to be at my target weight and to be maintaining (all though I am sure that will be a lot of work too).  But I am not happy with where I am at so the journey continues.  There is no point to me kicking my butt at boot camp doing burpees and mountain climbers only to eat crap.  I need my eating and workouts to be on the same wagon ride.  They need to go hand in hand. 

Burpees suck, but it’s a great feeling when I am done with them.  I remember at Christmas Steve said 5 minutes of burpees burns one Christmas cookie so that’s like 150-180 calories.  Is a frosted sugar cookie with sprinkles really worth 5 minutes of burpees?

Some days the wagon ride is smooth, other days it’s bumpy as hell and I feel like I am always chasing it down.  But what matters is that I get back on.  When I fall off I will not go back to the starting line and start over.  I pick myself up where I am at and chase that darn wagon down.

Now which of the statements do you want to be?

·         I work out because I have been eating so badly

·         I eat healthy because I work out.

I hope you picked the second one!  See what you can do this week to make that statement represent you.